


Of Stipulated Damages and Hands

by yaodai



Series: Fields of Nettle [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Ninja Politics, Orochimaru continues to troll, Post-Canon, Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi, naruto blank period
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 10:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17078750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaodai/pseuds/yaodai
Summary: As the Hokage, Kakashi needs to balance on the thin line between peace and war while figuring out how to deal with a Sannin that's both a horrible person and a priceless resource.





	Of Stipulated Damages and Hands

 

The hospital room was filled to the brim with both people and the overwhelming aura of awkwardness.  
Kakashi didn't mind either one of these: the later was keeping people off their game giving him an advantage and he couldn't do nothing about the first one either.

Deep in the Konoha Hospital, in the secure, windowless part of the building where only a handful of authorized personnel could enter, two of his students were lying in beds, both of them missing an arm, both looking like they went through meat grinder.

Kakashi wanted to have an eye on his team for more reasons than one and since the boys were unable to move, he ended up coming to them, dragging along a ridiculous amount of people, because there were decisions to be made and he needed both opinions and expertise.

Sakura was hovering over the boys, still fuming with anger, snapping at the tiniest whisper.  
He decided that keeping distance was the safe option and for once was glad that Senju Tsunade decided she was done with everything - with these two in the room, his life would definitely be in danger, especially considering the rest of the company.

Yakushi Kabuto was standing in the corner, still very demonstratively wearing his handcuffs, still very sheepish, keeping his distance from everyone else.

That couldn't be said about the rest of the Sound underlings - the tree Rogue ninja were crowded closely together, squeezed behind Orochimaru like a bunch of ducklings.  
Orochimaru, who once again, misplaced his handcuffs and didn't even bother to hide it.

Kakashi swallowed a painful groan.  
This man belonged in prison if not right under the executioner blade, but the political situation swirled out of control and the peace held only on a thin promise of the ultimate amnesty for all.  
Which Orochimaru knew perfectly well and was finding it absolutely hilarious, considering the sparkle in his yellow eyes.

"You are all extremely lucky, but Konoha still needs you to pay for your misdeeds," he started.

Having his head on a pike would be really nice, but Orochimaru was officially dead for months, so the sudden reappearance of the Sannin would only cause ruckus with the civilian population he didn't need.   
Kakashi considered chopping his head off anyway and sealing it in some scroll and keep as a prize, but that would be sadly a waste of opportunity. 

"Oh?" Orochimaru rested his chin on the palm of his hand. "And what that would be? Money? It definitely would be a precious resource in these new, peaceful times..."

Kabuto rolled his eyes, grin disappearing from his face for a short moment.  
It looked like Orochimaru was like that towards everyone then.

"Something more personal," Kakashi replied neutrally. "First, I want the barrier technique your team used to keep the ANBU from rescuing Lord Third."

"Ah!" Orochimaru face shifted from bafflement to interest. "I see we are thinking alike, Hatake. Or should I say, Lord Sixth?"

"I couldn't possibly guess what's on your mind," Kakashi replied. "But be my guest and explain. What possibly could be on my mind?"

Orochimaru chuckled and tilted his head to the side. Loose strands of black hair followed, obscuring both of his eyes.

"The Otsutsuki is a clan," he said.

"I don't follow!" Naruto declared from his bed.

"You be silent!" Sakura barked and smacked him over the forehead.

"Ow!" he protested. "You're supposed to heal me, not hurt me mo- ow, ow, ow! Alright, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Gonna be quiet now! Really quiet!"

They all patiently waited for them to finish whatever that was. Orochimaru looked baffled. For whatever reason, Kabuto looked jealous.

"A clan means that there's more than a slight possibility for more than one person with the same abilities, Naruto" Orochimaru explained softly, after he decided it was time to talk again.

Naruto pushed himself up to see the man better, eyes wide and shocked.

"You're saying that there's someone else like Kaguya?!"

"I highly suspect that," Orochimaru nodded. "Considering her overall power and the sheer amount of luck and heavenly intervention the battle required, I highly doubt that the army she created was made to face the shinobi."

"So, you're saying we're fucked?" Suigetsu squeaked, peeking from behind the Sannin. "Like they're coming fucked, or we should get ready for our dead stand fucked?"

"I don't think she was close to facing her enemies, whoever they were," Orochimaru replied after turning slightly to actually face the teen. "Honestly, we know pathetically little at this point."

"What we do know that the application of barrier jutsu, even mediocre one, by a dozens of shinobi works surprisingly well," Kakashi said. "I assume the effects would be similar enough during usage of sealing techniques."

"And you think many shinobi would be able to learn a jutsu that kept ANBU tasked with protecting the Hokage at bay?" Orochimaru asked with a chuckle.

Kakashi sighed.  
The Sannin was right about many things during this short exchange and up until now he wasn't even trying to lie.  
But this, this was Orochimaru blatantly bullshitting them for the sake of… honestly Kakashi wasn't even sure what for.

"According to my information the Sound Village couldn't exist for more than ten years prior to the invasion," he started, making sure the annoyance didn't show in his voice. "I would say more five, considering your other activities at that time."

Orochimaru hummed, slightly raising his eyebrows.

So the guesswork was close enough to the truth, Kakashi made a mental note.

"During those five years you had to recruit your troops, attend diplomatic meetings and maneuver the Daimyo into giving you enough funds for the operation to run with relative ease, establish contacts with merchants and nobles to get work for your shinobi and that's only the part of your activities you wanted to be seen by your new allies."

There were the underground laboratories filled with prisoners that had to be caught at some point, there were the dozens upon dozens of experiments, varying in complication and horror and there was the fact he was still on the run from both Konoha shinobi and the Akatsuki.  
Kakashi wondered how much of this the Rice Daimyo was even aware of.

"Even if you're a genius of efficiency, I can't imagine you had a lot of time to spend on teaching your shinobi," Kakashi finished the thought, omitting the darker bits for now. "You had no time for anything too complicated."

"Ah, you got me!" Orochimaru laughed and clapped his hands in mocking gesture of congratulations. "And fine, I do not mind sharing this little tricks. Is this all?"

"Oh, that's just the beginning," Kakashi let himself smile a little. "We had little to no time to consider our option, so we'll call it a work in progress."

"I want your hand," Sakura suddenly said. "Well, not yours, Danzo's."

"Didn't the corpse turn into wood though?" Suigetsu mumbled. "And I don't even remember where we left the fucker!"

"I mean the research behind it!" the kunoichi groaned.

"That's... an usual interest for such a good, moral person."

"Oh, spare me," she groaned. "I've tried to figure out how you did it since I saw it. It doesn't make any more sense, so i want it. On my table, spread and with additional notes."

"What do you need a hand for...?" Suigetsu started. Then his gaze dropped onto the beds. "Oh."

The gasp coming from one of the beds was a sign that Suigetsu wasn't the only one who suddenly got the meaning behind the request.

"I don't want an arm with eyeballs!" Naruto squeaked. "It was gross! I'm fine without an arm, totally fine!"

"I'm not going to put eyeballs in anything," Sakura groaned heavily, covering face with the palm of her hand in a tired gesture. Then she peeked through her fingers at Orochimaru with a suspicion.

"The eyeballs are completely optional," he reassured her. "To be honest, it was a bad idea from the start, but the old man was too stubborn."

"A bad idea? Can't see how!"

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked carefully.

"Yeah," Sakura shrugged. "Even if I decide I have no use for it for whatever reason, I'll still know more than I did before. I could use it to help more people."  

Kakashi nodded to himself. Turning the vile experiments into something that would save lives, it seemed fair.

"Fine," Kakashi nodded. "You're going to disclose all materials Sakura asks for."

Orochimaru just shrugged, like he didn't even cared that much.  
Kakashi felt a pang of suspicion - there was something he didn't know about, but for now, it was good enough.

He had promises he could milk forever if he planned everything right.

 

xxx

 

Days raced by him, one week after another, forming one long streak of depressing duties to fulfill.

List out everyone who died or became unable to serve as a shinobi, create a generic letters to all the families that lost someone - at least this time it was no lies and the life was truly given for the better case - figure out where to get all the shinobi he suddenly didn't have at his disposal to complete missions.

And he also needed people for other tasks.  
Rebuilding what got destroyed by fire while everyone was stuck in the genjutsu, helping out at the hospital and with preparation of the medical supplies.  
He needed someone on the diplomatic missions, he needed the Academy to function, he needed highly qualified shinobi to keep an eye on the prisoners.

It was a mess and he was being tempted to just roll a dice to decide where to send people and what would need to wait.

A few people from the intelligence department were going through the ridiculous amount of information Yakushi gathered during his spying years, while a few others were delegated to take care of handing over low ranked missions according to the skillset of every team.  
Usually it was the work between whoever got the long term Desk duty and the highest ranked shinobi on the team, but  in current circumstances completing the missions was more important than educating the genin and fresh chunin.

Then there was Orochimaru.

He wasn't doing anything suspicious, neither he was trying to get out of the ANBU wing of the Hospital, where Sakura set up the impropu research center, right next to where Sasuke and Naruto were placed.

Of course, the man wasn't allowed anywhere near the boys and of course it didn't mean a thing - Sasuke quickly developed a habit of allowing himself out of the bed and gravitating towards the Sannin.  
At first Kakashi expected him to kill the man again - and wasn't that sounding ridiculous! - but they settled up for a snarky, horrible banter instead.  
Kakashi considered forbidding him from doing so - he still remembered well what Orochimaru was truly capable of - but decided against it.  
Sasuke knew Orochimaru and knew him well. Having no more reasons to go against Konoha, he was perhaps the only person truly capable of catching  and calling out the snake Sannin on whatever he was trying to pull.

He didn't, because if there was something more important than anything else in Orochimaru's eyes, it was survival.  
The man was sure there were more beings like Kaguya and that they were coming, so it was in his interest to ensure they had a chance, even if it meant sharing his closely guarded secrets.

Since the presence of Orochimaru in the village was a closely guarded secret - for all the people knew he was still dead - Kakashi had to squeeze out time of his rigorous already schedule to learn the trick himself.

"You could just copy it," Orochimaru pointed out, as Kakashi was hunched over the sealing diagrams, trying to make sense of the swirls and symbols that covered the surface of the wide blackboard.

Orochimaru sure made himself at home on the few rooms that we're available to him, turning them into a somewhat functional cross between lab and a library, with books and scrolls flooding from the cabinets and creating small towers by the walls.

"Copying is not equal with understanding," he replied, annoyed that Orochimaru once again was getting in the way.

"Oh?" The Sannin put hand to his mouth, as if masking a surprise. "I was under the impression you specialize in copying.”

Kakashi slightly raised his eyebrows. It was way too early to have his blood pressure this high, but this man was like overdosing soldier pills.

“Are you trying to make me unravel all my secrets?” He hummed. He could play this game too. “That's not very nice. Almost making me think you're planning something.”

“Oh Kakashi,” Orochimaru chuckled. “You're much easier to figure out than you think.”

“Humor me.”

Orochimaru chuckled again, eyes betraying no fear or stress, just sparking mischievously.  
For a prisoner that didn't even exist on paper and who was just a few steps away from mysteriously disappearing, Orochimaru looked just plain radiant, which was probably the most annoying thing about the whole situation.  
Forced to exchange his preferred tunic for a generic uniform did nothing to break his morale - with rolled up sleeves and lab coat thrown over his shoulders Orochimaru still managed to look like he was right where he was supposed to be.

“While there are many jutsu out there to copy, each village has just a few techniques that everyone knows,” the Sannin said lazily, playing with his hair. “They are the go to big hitters, the jutsu everyone feels most comfortable with.”

Kakashi nodded.

“There's much bigger chance to face someone who feels comfortable with the well known jutsu rather than an user of some obscure skills,” Orochimaru continued. “Obscure gives an advantage but it also paints a target or your backs.“

“You sure do know a lot about targets and backs,” Kakashi nodded wisely.

Orochimaru definitely knew backs and intimately so, considering how many people he managed to backstab just to realize his ambitions.

“I do,” Orochimaru cheerfully agreed. “And honestly, it’s starting to feel dull. You can only repeat one action several times before you’re familiar with all the consequences.”

"What," Kakashi snorted. "You're willing to give peace a chance because you're boring with war?"

"You must admit, this is quite a novelty," Orochimaru shrugged.

"There was peace before," Kakashi pointed out.

Orochimaru just waved his hand.

"A times of ceasefire, filled with tension and a race between the villages to bring their numbers back to the previous state as soon as possible," he said with a sour expression on his face. "We both know that it wasn't anywhere close to what your student is trying to achieve."

"It almost sounds like you want to help him."

"I'm curious," Orochimaru shrugged. "And your students have the ability to satisfy it. that's all."

"Plural now?"

"They all lack the ability to compromise at all," Orochimaru chuckled. "They will push and push until things take the shape to their liking."

"Do you think they will succeed?"

"I'll applaud if they do and laugh if they fail miserably," Orochimaru declared cheerfully. "Either way, it is going to be very entertaining."

"You're a vile person."

"Surely this is not a surprise," he covered his mouth with fingers, as if the mere thought of it was shocking.

"Not really," Kakashi said, letting his shoulders relax and slumber. "Keeping a whole wing of the hospital under lock and key is getting annoying."

And the old bastard Tsuchikage was already sniffing, asking over and over again what they did with the criminals, since all the villages were sticking to the amnesty for all rule, poking and prodding at the shaky peace between the villages.

"Since you're too smart to be suicidal and plot against Konoha any time soon, I'm considering using one of your old lairs as a place of the house arrest," Kakashi continued.

"And you're asking me? Not Sasuke?" Orochimaru chuckled.

Kakashi shrugged.

"Why ask one when you have more at your disposal?"

"True," Orochimaru nodded. "I think the closest one would be on the border of the Country of the Rice Paddies?"

"No hideout in the Land of Fire?" Kakashi snorted. "Really?"

"Besides that one that got destroyed?" Orochimaru hummed. "I'm afraid there's nothing that could serve out goals."

"Oh believe me, I'm so tempted to assign you to a shed in the middle of nowhere and be done with it," Kakashi said cheerfully. "Sadly, you still have too much useful things inside your head  to just bury you like a bad memory."

"It's just you unable to shake off old habits," Orochimaru said. "The world is so used to the race, it's too hard to shred the old habits and take the leap of faith!"

He laughed and Kakashi was feeling the temptation to prove him wrong, the deep, acidic spite demanding for him to  just toss Orochimaru into the deepest cell the ANBU headquarters got and then chug the key into the depths of the ocean.

Kakashi smiled back instead like he was enjoying the irony.

Peace was not certain yet and Konoha needed to be ready for the worst case scenario.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was very tempted to name this "Duel of the Trolls".  
> Letting Kakashi and Orochimaru was sure entertaining to write.


End file.
